Next on Graze Anatomy....

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This week on "Graze Anatomy"....

Since Sami Sultan's snowboarding injury, his shoulder continued to endure homosexual hits and sprains from wrestling, and it finally could take no more. The fourth child of the Sultan household will be having surgery this Wednesday, Dec. 24, 2008, at the butt crack of dawn.

Sami will be unable to perform all the things he once did for approximately 6 months or more: snowboarding, wrestling little boys, being a ninja, kayaking, rock climbing, parkouring (aka free running), zorbing, showering, tying his shoes, etc.

However, things he can do are the following: karaoke, looking fabulous, singing, sleeping, snoring, saying "that's what she said," watch Family Guy, compliment Judy, etc.

Meanwhile on "Graze Anatomy," McFreaky, the head surgeon, will be making out like crazy with the head nurse (haha head nurse) on the operating table while performing the surgery. The other doctors will be talking about really important things going on in their lives like who took my lunch that I put in the hospital fridge and clearly marked with my name? And who is the father of the child who I thought I concieved with the dead guy but turns out it isn't actually his?

This and more on the next...."Graze Anatomy."

30 Ways to Die of Electrocution.

Guys please be careful when pissing on powerlines. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bre/sets/72157611077138836/

ode to finals

Ah, finals. A chance to prove your intellectual prowess after months of instruction. The culminating event of the semester in academia. Sounds good. EXCEPT IT’S NOT.

Finals suck! For some classes, the only thing the final will test is your ability to memorize tons and tons of inconsequential information. For others, months of material is crammed into less than 20 questions.

Here's an equation demonstrating finals time:

MORE INFORMATION + LESS QUESTIONS = SMALL MISTAKES = F = FATAL = F***ED = FUN(NOT!)

that's all.

Santa's Gmail.

New Footage From 2008 Olympics

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I Didn't Know Lid Was A Poet!

Even though I could never be as poetic as Lid (click here to see why), I thought I would write a haiku to express how the world feels (or should feel) about him:

a voice like Celine
lid purrs into the mic and
he has sexy legs

Judy's famous

Guys focus on second 6 through 8!
http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/video?id=6523305

KBR Strikes Again

Contractor for military committed serious violations

Houston-based contractor, KBR, providing services to the U.S. military in Iraq and Afghanistan, has committed serious violations of its contract, mainly by conducting inadequate inspections of electrical wiring and grounding at American bases, according to Pentagon sources.

"I want KBR to be exposed. More than anything, I just want them to step up and take care of what they're being paid to take care of, and to do the work that they are contracted to do. More than anything, let's put the security and the safety of our troops first," Harris said.

When asked for comment, KBR's most valued and productive Palestinian worker, Khalid Esmail, replied, "KBR is the greatest company on Earth. Did you know that KBR designed Minute Maid Park? No, seriously. They did."

Take the Ultimate Cool Test

Find out if you're too cool for school or the dork of the universe. Post your results under comments....if you're cool enough!

How Cool Are You?

1. What's your favorite color? Black Blue Pink Periwinkle Sunflower Red

2. Who is your celebrity crush? Brad Pitt Johnny Depp Andy Dick Jessica Alba Adriana Lima Madonna

3. It's Friday night and you just can't wait to.... Go to sleep because my friends are dorks Go to a movie with friends Go to a coffee shop Go play halo all night at Ramzi's house Go watch The Notebook Go hang out with Judy

4. It's your birthday and you want to.... Hint to everyone that you want a surprise party Go bowling Go to dinner and wear those sombrero hats as 5 waiters who don't give a sh&t about your birthday sing to you Get pissed off when people you haven't talked to in 10 years fill your facebook wall with "happy birthday stranger!" posts Go on a road trip, celebrate for 4 days straight, find some hot guys/girls in San Marcos, party all night, and wind up in Austin naked on the capitol building steps Have a hot guy/girl throw pebbles at your window in the middle of the night, sneak out, and have a night full of shenanigans without anyone knowing followed by a birthday breakfast at Austin Java

5. If you had to be reincarnated into someone else, who would you want to be? Hyman Tim Duncan Mathew McConaugheygay Will Smith Britney Spears Angelina Jolie

6. What is your favorite number? 4 infinity 0 13 34 69

7. What is your favorite pick up line? Can I flirt with you? Come on, you can't get pregnant again. Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here. I only have three months to live.... Wow. NOW, B&TCH!

8. What kind of deodorant do you use? Secret/Degree/Dove/Mitchum/Soft & Dri/Ban Axe Any Spray-On Kind Arrid Who needs deodorant when you shower 4 times a day? Old Spice

9. What does your license plate say on your car? Safa Anything else

10. What kind of phone do you have or have you had? iPhone Blackberry Pearl Prada Phone Fancy Schmancy Nokia (like N96 or something) LG Shine Any phone you've had for more than 2 years

Create a quiz at QuizCreations.com

Dear Diary....

Based on the email I got from my professor earlier today, I may not get to graduate this semester because even though the deadline says Dec. 5 to turn in my thesis, there is some unwritten code that says I actually have to turn it in 2 weeks before that (which is Friday)....why, you ask?

Because UH is a fat, homosexual hooker that acts out foot fetishes and pooping fantasies in a 9th ward crackhouse, while middle-aged, washed out druggies and 13-year-old runaways watch her turn tricks.

I'm not sure, though -- perhaps, I misunderstood his email (this was the entire message):

Dear Judy,

It may be possible to defend the prospectus this semester, but I doubt that you can finish the thesis b*tch.

Dr. Heath

Boo....I think I am officially sad now.

Morning Accident.

I rear-ended a car today.

The driver got out of the other car and he was a DWARF!

He looked up at me and said, "I am NOT Happy!"

So I said, "Well then, which one ARE you?"

That's how the fight started.

.

I'm the Goddamn Batman!

If you had any doubts....

BATMAN!

Proof!

Warm and Fuzzy Feelings

So I SWEAR this is what happened....

I typed in "warm fuzzy feelings" in Google because I wanted to think of nice thoughts that obviously gave one a warm fuzzy feeling....OK I SWEAR that was the plan. And it's obviously true because I'm trying to do everything except write my thesis. Well I'm not trying, it's just the way things have been panning out.

So when I clicked on THIS:

http://www.warmandfuzzyfeeling.com/

I started feeling like THIS:

































P.S. Warm and fuzzy feelings have yet to arrive....
P.P.S. Hyman, this should give you a warm fuzzy feeling because, really, in the end....

Change Is Good

Because think about it....If we didn't have change, we wouldn't have butterflies....

I Love Eating Here....

You Egyptians You....

That's What She Said

Welcome "Dear Diary" bloggers! I know it's kind of hard to believe....but I did take a a good chunk...of my day to make this super blog. I wasn't going to do it....but then I decided it would be fun. Hope you enjoy it everyday...three or four times a day....or whenever you get a chance. Please feel free to post your heart out! Especially YOU!